Tongues and Footwear Should Never Meet!

Sneaker licking…I don’t get it!!!

I keep seeing friends OF FRIENDS (by the way) tagging my ‘friends’ (as in FB contacts – not actual real-life friends of course) in images of clearly idiotic people licking trainers. I could be just old and passed it, but a pair of white Nike basketball boots will never make contact with my tongue, regardless of how new they might be. I googled the phenomena and apparently Fat Joe started this nonsense…a grown ass man!

So either he was showing an inanimate object affection through the intimacy of a lick. Stupidness! It’s inanimate! It won’t feel it. It won’t reciprocate and anyway I love my neighbour’s dog, but I’m not gonna pop in after work and give Yogi a tongue tickle on his underbelly. And speaking of dogs, the last time I saw someone lick an inanimate object was was that pooch on the Kindle ad and he only did because he’s a dog and that’s what they do.


Okay and then you could argue that it is linked to some kind of fetish, and yes I realise that trying to apply logic to fetishes is a non-starter but please! Say the word trainers, and I think of sweat, gym, weights, getting ridiculed at school for wearing Dunlop (my Mum wasn’t even going to entertain paying more than £30 for a pair “plimsolls”) running and foot odour. I don’t think ‘oo la la!’ I’m not going to ask my wife, with a little Marvin playing in the background to “put on those Reebok Classics for me tonight baby!” Plus surely trainers can’t taste nice! Maybe it’s my over active imagination, but retching just after said act would kill the magic for me!

As my father would say, ‘NASTINESS!’

So your telling me the youth of today see a hip-hop star licking his footwear and all rush out with their camera phones to mimic his bafoonery? Never would have happened in my day…overlooking the fact that when MC Hammer came out we all rushed out to buy Ronald Macdonald trousers, and obviously discarding the fact that when Onyx dropped I within a week or so shaved my head clean (one of the first teenagers to do it in South London I’ll have you know) and of course forgetting that for a time, during the reign of the Beastie Boys, no local Volkswagen owner could sleep easy…

Hmm, perhaps it has always been so.  It’s still foolishness though, in my late thirties, level headed opinion.

Image courtesy of



About The Other Me

Londoner born and raised. Living in Denmark. Occasional singer/songwriter, music fan, nearly author, recovering procrastinator. To read or listen to the amateur stuff I call my art, click on the picture and press the links to either my FB, Wordpress or bandcamp pages. Thanks
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2 Responses to Tongues and Footwear Should Never Meet!

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